Potential

Potential- Webster’s defines it as: capable of development into actuality. I don’t usually think of that word when it comes to me. I don’t think that I have an ability to become this higher attribute. I have always seen myself as “as is model” and I think that is why the conversation yesterday take me by such storm.
I was talking with a friend here and we were talking about I needing a job after here and he was telling that he is going to talk to some friends of his that were in the industry and he was saying that I would be looking at a six-figure income to start off. My head about exploded. I told him that Nicki and I were used to living on about a quarter of that. He looked at me in disbelief and said that he could make more on unemployment than that. That it was basically at the poverty line.
I thought about that for a minute and it was true. There were many years that we were one paycheck or car breakdown from going under. There is only one reason that we didn’t go under and that was due to our great families.
I look at our bank account these days and I haven’t seen it with this amount of money in it ever and we have really no bills left, but at what cost. I am in a warzone, is this really worth it? If you asked me a month ago I would have said yes. I imagine going back to the states to a job like the one I left and make a few dollars an hour and busting my ass to do it. Working to many hours to have energy to go out and photograph or look for a better job. I have never seen myself more than that. I don’t know if I want to be as a big a photographer as Jarvis or McNally but I do want to be in the league where I know them and can be friends with them.
I still haven’t narrowed down what type of photography I want to do but I know that I want to shoot. I am lucky enough to be well trained in photojournalism and that I guess pays well if you work for the right people. I hope that I can work in that and then I can figure out what I want to do and do it.